Fun and Funny Dachshund Stuff

The Dachshund Creed

1. If it's in my mouth, it's mine!
2. If I like it, it's mine!
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine!
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine!
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way!
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks like mine, it's mine!
8. If I saw it first, it's mine!
9. If you are playing with something and put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's in the same house I'm in, it's mine!
11. If it's broken, it's yours!

How To Make Puppy Pie

Take one puppy, roll and play until lightly pampered, then add the following ingredients...

• 1 cup of patience
• 1 cup of understanding
• 1 pinch of correction
• 1 cup of hard work
• 2 cups of praise
• 1.5 cups of fun

Blend Well. Heat with the warmth of your heart until raised or until puppy has doubled in size. Mix with owner until consistency is such that owner and puppy are one.

(Author Unknown)

DID YOU KNOW

• Queen Victoria had a doxie named Dash (died August 10 1859, at age 15)(her first Doxie)
• Other famous Doxie owners John Everett Millais, Pablo Picasso, Andy Warhol, Clark Gable, Christian Slater and John Wayne.
• The first Doxie was registered with the AKC in 1885.
• The Doxie is the only AKC breed that can and does hunt above and below ground.
• Doxies come in 175 different colors and shades

Rules for Dogs

courtesy of Pawperous pets

Newspapers: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that’s placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

Barking: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark...

Licking: Always take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

Holes: Rather than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won’t notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they’ll think it’s gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

Doors: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

Dining Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It’s also a good time to practice your sniffing.

Housebreaking: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

Going for Walks: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

Couches: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

Playing: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don’t injure yourself.

Cats: When chasing cats, make sure you never *quite* catch them. It spoils all the fun.

Chewing: Make a contribution to the fashion industry … Eat a shoe.

The Dachshund Rules!

1. The Dachshund is not allowed in the house.
2. OK, the dachshund IS allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
3. The Dachshund is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
4. The Dachshund is only allowed on the OLD furniture.
5. Fine, the Dachshund is allowed on ALL the furniture, but is NOT allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
6. All right, the Dachshund IS allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
7. The Dachshund can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but NOT under the covers.
8. The Dachshund can sleep under the covers every night.
9. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the Dachshund.
10. In all cases of dispute…THE DACHSHUND RULES!!!